I think i really don’t live by human judgment all this while. I don’t really care what others said and don’t really mind. Cause all i do depends on my own ability which are God given. But of course, there are times when i needed help from others. I do appreciate what they do for me and all, i would thank them and try to help them in return. But if given advice, i would look around and ask everywhere before i even listen to them properly. I don’t take judgment from a person to be what it is, sorry to say so.

But, still there are times. People started to talk behind your back, and you feel those people who don’t come and tell you whats wrong and only talk at the back are so useless people. And you said to yourself, whatever they wanna say its their own business, let them say and let them judge. But i’ll not walk in their ways.

If advice are given by some very very close relative and families, i would listen if i could. Best friend’s advice too =P.

Am i making enemies out from writing this? hopefully not.

I guess what that “someone” had always been telling me on being more positive in life has affected me in one way or another. Yes, i guess i have been more negative in one way or another. SOrry about it. And Thank You for reminding me that i should look at the positive side of life.

Recently, the thoughts that i have in mind is pretty odd. Its like i would question myself why am i here and what am i doing? But yet, i just go with the flow and doing everything i could each day. Its not like i don’t enjoy the moment with my friends and love ones, there is just a question floating in my mind. Things has been going alright for me. But it feels like its getting more of a routine and i would stop a while and question myself what have i done and what could i do more?

Oh ya, i learned about conviction and perspective. We ought to have conviction in doing what God wants us to do and should have a perspective such that “seeing it like it is, the end from the beginning”….hmp..still pondering about it.

Its time to sleep……tired…

Tired from life,
It seems,
Why are words seems much real than reality?

Each day going to work,
wondering what to do,
where to go,
where to search for all necessity in life.
Is that what life is all about?

Wish i could know the real meaning,
haven’t been too well overall,
losing myself in this world,
thought that as i am of my age,
i should be quite well off and successful.

But hey, i am just another human being,
in the rat race i presume,
being sleeping and working,
and doing all nonsense to keep life going on.

Day in day out, you maybe be envy at others success,
yet again, it is nothing too much you can do about it,
but to change your future,
by yourself and definitely it all depends on God.

I guess this is the time,
where all concentration isn’t to be placed on our own life, day in and out,
but to concentrate on God’s will and have you done anything for it.

Totally lost in the world.
trying hard to help others,
But it seems, it isn’t easy too.
What am i doing now?

Do you ever had the feeling that you are the lowest of the lowest, not trusted by anyone even as you have tried your best in what so ever that you do. Even the aunties doesn’t trust you. Nobody seems to trust you.

Is it because of my doings? But its really because i didn’t know in the beginning. How people put you down, thinking that you are nothing but a speckle of dust in their eye. Not one but almost all the people around think of it like that. I am no useless, if they know. I am actually alright. I am just a junior, i am still learning. And i am trying my best to learn. Its not about not knowing everything. Its because seniors have to know about things they do, they have to look over everything, hence they know everything. But me? I am a junior who has only being assigned of task here and there and wasn’t sent to oversee the whole thing.

I tried to understand things, but it takes time for me. People think of me like i am just hanging around and doing nonsense. I couldn’t explain everything because certain things are complex for me, i need to learn still. But is it that because i revealed my weakness to people, hence they took it and put me in the lowest of lowest?

But i remember God telling us, my weakness is my strength?

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. 2 Corinthians 11:30.

9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

May my weakness be my strength, may God bless those who put me down, may they be blessed more for they may not understand, because they are not standing in my position. May I hold no anger over them and forgive them though they are putting others down in their surrounding. May i not look down on others too and do the same to others. Let this be a reminder to not put down on others anymore. Though it can be done onto me, but not let others feel the same torture but may they have all blessing.

I can’t help thinking about this topic for the moment, though i feel things aren’t going so well in my world.

I guess lots of people would be asking me to count my blessing as God has really given me lots throughout my life. Let me just count how many answered prayers do i have

1. A friend’s sis who has some sickness issue was heal after prayers and prayers. Thank God!..
2. I failed my exams before, but i can say 90% of it passed after prayers? =P
3. I prayed for a job in a description that i wanted and i’ve gotten it.
4. I prayed for a place to stay after i got kick out from one and i have gotten an even better one.
5. I prayed to seek God more and more..and knowing him. I am blessed with a CareGroup that helps me to grow in HIM.
6. I prayed to solve problems that seems too big for me, And God answered with a simple question ask and i shall receive. Ask and you shall receive?

I guess other than prayers, i have found some interesting Gifts God has given to me…hope i can put it into use..
1. Passion to teach
2. A special gift in directions
3. A special gift in arts and crafts
4. A loud voice
5. A gift to be in service to others

Now what can i do with it?

Oh ya, God has also blessed me with a partner. Did he see that i need to learn to love another? I think i was lack to the knowledge to love, i am bad at loving another and now learning. It isn’t easy, though its not that hard, but still learning.

Today, a friend asked me about WHo i worship? I told him about the Holy Trinity and how i worship God as Holy Trinity. I still need to learn on explaining the right thing to people. I have also learn about humble, though we are given lots of gifts, we should still be humble in all ways. As it was said in the bible, our weakness is our strength. Aunty Elaine told me about being humble with the gifts given. I think its pretty true.

I learn another thing, i learn that we shouldn’t think too much of a think we want to do. If it is good, just do it and leave the rest to God. Its like what was mentioned in the sermon earlier this week, we should just take up our arrow and shoot and not make excuses.

Hmp..interesting week. More to come..=)..Count my blessing…

I have some issues with a friend at work. I tried my best to be good to him, but i just end of getting angry at him always. I am not sure why. Its not that he does big mistake, there is just this feeling that why things i say he doesn’t understand and sometimes i just plainly don’t like him.

Its bad. i know, i shouldn’t be doing that to anyone. But i remember doing that to a close friend too. She must be pretty hurt about it. It is because of the disappointment that i am facing in office. It cause me to turn into this person that feels like why is this my responsibility, when you can actually take the initiative to find it our yourself. I end up becoming the secretary in the office. I do documentation up and down, and doing parcels of stuff unknown or known. Not knowing everything because nobody keeps me in the loop. I am an invisible human being. Hmp..all this sounds very familiar, i had a friend who had the same issue.

Why is the office nowadays treating juniors like secretary and never really train them up properly. Training up the junior not only help the seniors to get things done faster, but it would build a good bondage between them. Secretary will never know everything and understand what you want because you only provide them with bits and parcels of stuff. Seniors please do understand that!!

If your junior doesn’t understand things and not doing things, properly when they are under your supervision. The one to be scolded is not them, but you yourself, who actually has “supervised” them. Juniors are here to learn to be senior and they started with not too much knowledge of the field. So, Juniors are not Senior, so don’t put equal expectation out of junior, but teach them. So they will be like you.

Another thing is never to look down on a junior, they are trying their best, what you can do it actually to encourage them to do better and not to put them down. The more you put them down, you’ll see the result of your doings soon. They do wrongs, but don’t be too harsh on them. Just ask them to redo it accordingly after what you have advise them of.

Speaking out of a junior’s hardship in office. Always been put down. How terrible, making you feel that you are so incapable of doing things at all. Even more terrible, ppl from all departments can ask you to do things. AHahahahah. How terrible!!! You’re job scope not only expand at a “fixed” price, but you are doing all weird things. ok, someone may say its a good way of learning and all, but what other department as asking “me” to do is all those secretary jobs..!!!

Anyway, i think i am losing all my seniors soon. So what to complain? i should go now also right? what a company…a disaster!!

End Now.

Life has been a bit up and down. I am still in the process towards, my grad study application. Maybe i should try at those master degree instead??

PhD is alright, but i am really still not too sure if i am up to it or not. I really need to depend on God for my further decision in life.

How about marriage, am i even ready for such a big event. But yet again, i think getting married is a sooner or later event in life. But if it can help to reduce the burden in our life, why not? Or would it increase it?

SIngle life is great. I don’t mind about it at all. Carefree life and all. You are free to roam around and do things and have very little responsibility. It is good isn’t it?

Hmp..still lots of unanswered questions in life. I need some answer…God help me.

Open my heart O lord,
Test me,
Tell me,
Get hold of me.

Bring me to realisation,
bring me to my feet,
bring me to your will,
bring me to where you want me to be.

Let me fear nothing but you,
Let me not be depress of human nature,
But depress over whether your will is to be done,
Let me be strong for your Name.

Let me trust not of men,
But trust of only you,
for your promise will be done,
And it will be for eternity.

Bring me to care of men,
Bring me not out of selfishness,
Pull me out of oneness,
but put me in others shoes and feel the pain and joy for them.

Let me not be influenced by greed of men,
But be known of your promise,
Let me not be living for temporal,
But be a living sacrifice to you.

How fragile is love,

I wish I could know it more,

Taking care of it takes courage and time,

Yet I may not have all the time in the world.

Movies and real life isn’t alike,

Hoping it was,

But to no hope avail it was,

When in the end,

Thing are just real and practical.

Doing things out of sympathy,

Or is it love?

How can I tell?

When I do things like there is no tomorrow.

A future I cannot see and predict,

A hope that I see grey grounds,

Too much things to work on,

Too much heart questions to be answered.

Oh, I wish love was much easier in real than said.